Here's advice if you're not getting on with flatmates

While many students form great friendships with their flatmates, it’s also completely normal if you don’t click, or even clash with the people you live with.

If things feel tense or uncomfortable, you’re not alone, and there are steps you can take to make the situation more manageable:

Reflect before reacting

Ask yourself:

• Is this a one-off situation or a recurring issue?

• Could it be a misunderstanding or clash of habits?

• Are you feeling stressed from other things (like uni work or homesickness) that might be affecting how you see the situation?

Sometimes, a bit of space and perspective can help you decide what to do next.

Try to have a conversation

If you feel safe and comfortable doing so, have a calm, respectful conversation with your flatmate.

Choose a neutral time (not when you’re angry or upset), and focus on how you feel rather than blaming them.

Try saying:

“I’ve been finding it hard when the kitchen’s left messy and it makes it stressful for me to cook. Can we figure out a way to keep it cleaner?”

(insert conflict article button)

Set boundaries and expectations

If the issue is about noise, guests, cleaning, or shared spaces, it might help to agree on some basic ground rules.

You could suggest a flat meeting or rota to make things fair and clear.

Give each other space

You don’t have to be best friends with your flatmates. If you’re not getting on, it’s okay to keep things polite and civil while spending more time with other friends, societies, or in your room when you need a break.

You can make friends on your course, in societies or many other different ways, so it's okay if you don't naturally bond with the people you live with in your first year. 

Talk to your Warden or reach out to Accommodation services

If things aren’t improving, or if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Your Residence Life Warden is here to help with mediation, advice, and practical solutions. In some cases, a room move might be possible but it’s usually a last resort after other steps have been tried.

Look after yourself

Living in a tense environment can take a toll on your wellbeing.

Make sure you’re looking after yourself:

• Talk to friends or family

• Use you university wellbeing service

• Take time for things that help you relax and recharge

Try not to take it personally

Not getting on with a flatmate doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it just means you’re human. Sometimes people just clash and that's absolutely okay, it doesn't mean you need to force a bond and make everyone like you. 

Shared living comes with challenges, but with a bit of communication, support, and self-care, you can find a way to make it work or at least make it manageable.